Jessica called her and Renee was eager to listen and be supportive of her friend who was obviously upset and hurt. Renee was empathetic toward Jessica, but she knew that it was out of her hands. They finished the conversation and time continued to move on. 

About two weeks later, Jessica called Renee and told her that she really needed a favour. She wanted Renee to put her office telephone on speaker during her next meeting with the woman who had been hired for Jessica’s old job, Jamie. Jessica wanted to listen in on their meeting to find out about changes that were happening in the company. Jessica pressed Renee as her friend to help her, and Renee thought there would be no harm in helping her friend this way, so she did.

 

After the meeting, Jessica texted Renee several times - asking questions about some of the changes that were occurring within the company.  Renee shared what she knew about how things were different and moving forward.

Each day went by and Renee was happy to be at work and loved what she was doing. Then one cold Wednesday morning, Renee was called to Human Resources. Jessica had sent an email to HR telling them everything that Renee did for her - the text messages and listening to her meeting with Jamie. Renee was shocked, but she was honest and explained exactly what had happened. Though she should not have been surprised, she was fired immediately! 

 

Renee could not believe this had happened all because she tried to help a friend she had known for 18 years.

As Renee and I discussed her feelings, she expressed feelings of hurt, confusion and shock. She was not sleeping well as she was reflecting over the entire situation. Renee felt she should have been offered a second chance since she had been honest about the situation. Together, we walked through what had happened and I shared the company's perspective.

 

 

Organisations protect themselves – and they didn't want any issues (legal or otherwise) from Jessica towards the company. They needed to understand if Jessica had the information that she was claiming Renee gave to her. Once that was confirmed, the organisation had to show that they took appropriate action. 

 

When I explained this to Renee, I told her that I was not advocating for how they handled the situation – only that each organisation has its own rules and policies, which must be respected and followed.

Now, Renee was also really dealing with the betrayal of a friend who she had tried to help.  She has known Jessica for a long time – but what Renee didn't think about was how people can change when their "needs" are being cut off.  How was she going eat, pay bills, get another job, etc.?  These are all of the questions that Jessica was asking herself – and she clearly didn’t care about how Renee could be hurt in her pursuit to get her job back. The bottom line is that everyone has a breaking point.

Renee cried and said, "I just think Jessica wanted the information and used my name with HR so I would be in the same boat that she was in - without a job." While that could be possible, I pointed out that Renee being fired wouldn’t bring Jessica any closer to her goals. Regardless of Jessica’s motives, I suggested that Renee focus on the choices she made and deal with the results.

We all have choices – even when it comes to friendships. When making our choices, we must ask ourselves several questions:  If the worst thing happened out of this choice, what would I do?  Do I believe strongly in this decision that I will stand by it no matter what?  If so, do I have a contingency plan to back up my decision?  None of this is easy, but important.  We all must know where to draw the line. That’s a decision each one of us has to make – because we must own the choice and any repercussions that follow.

Now that Renee has to start over, she is very concerned about her image and the ability to find another role. How does she handle this issue or situation? How does she move on and rebrand herself, as she was known prior to this incident - honest, hard worker, learner, good supervisor, etc.? As we talked we came up with several things that she could do. But, this was a grand time for the opportunity to rethink about her career and the role she desires.
 

• She walked through an exercise of writing down the things that she enjoys and doesn't even consider work. She began to list things of passion for herself and didn't even realise she was forming a potential role.

• Once she learned about competencies that she liked, she began to research the type of roles that fit her strengths. This gave her a target area to explore.

• She utilised her network to discuss options and potential opportunities. She decided not to go back into the same industry, as she really wanted a fresh start. This would be her chance to learn something new.

• Renee began to apply for positions and notify colleagues, friends, family and others about positions that she had applied for to try and get her resume in front of the right people.

• Renee also volunteered with associations that allowed her to use the skills that she loved so much. This gave her the ability to use it on her resume as experience while searching for a real-time opportunity.

 

As Renee moved through these steps, of course, nothing was moving fast enough. She was concerned and depressed at points, unsure of how she would make it. She is one of the fortunate ones, as she has a great support system around her. I often told her that if she didn't, she must never forget the power of mentors that she had gained along her career to this point. They can also give her other perspectives and help her to move forward.

At the time of writing this article, Renee was just in the midst of picking herself up and really focusing her energies on moving forward. She has not found an opportunity yet, but she has utilised her network to learn what might be a possibility for her future.

So, when you are facing a question of choice, even when a very good friend is involved, what choice will you make?

 

 

Acknowledged as a “visionary leader”, Vicki Hamilton develops new IT strategies to address old workplace problems. An award winning technology executive with over 20 years of senior level experience, Vicki’s strategies drive high value results ($20M+.) Her latest initiative, The Wright Answer, is a global online match making mentoring program for women from college through retirement. Connect with Vicki and join the experience at www.thewrightanswer.net. 

A Tough Choice - Colleague or Friend

By Vicki Hamilton 

 

Most of us spend about 35% of our waking hours each week at work – sometimes more than we spend with our families. So it comes as no surprise that many meaningful relationships are formed at work – collegial working relationships and even genuine friendships. But what happens when you have to decide between helping a good friend and your job?

 

I was having a conversation with Renee, a mentee, about a very troubling situation that resulted from friendship at work. One day Renee’s good friend of 18 years, Jessica, found out that she was being let go from her job and was devastated. Renee could not understand what happened, and she was very sorry for Jessica, but she had experienced lay-offs before and figured it was what they always say, "it is in the best interest of the company."