Forget Pay It Forward: Is it Mi Casa or Su Casa?

By Leslie G. Ungar

 

The last few years we have heard much about the saying and belief, Pay It Forward. I don’t know about you, but I am almost Pay It Forwarded to death. It has been used for everything from a non-profit ASK to a free dinner GIVE. For 2015 I am submitting a new saying for consideration.

 

Recently I was in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. A popular kitchen tile has the words Mi Casa es Su Casa. The saying means ‘my house is your house’. This tile is in every ceramic store. As a joke, we created a tile that says Mi Casa es Mi Casa which literally means, ‘my house is my house’.

 

While the words Mi Casa es Su Casa are written on many blue and white tiles around the city, the concept is more of a mindset than a saying. What is your mindset? To you is your stuff all yours or do you believe what is yours is open to everyone? Is your house really my house? How are you going to feel about that wine stain I leave on the carpet?

 

Now let’s make it a little more challenging. Are your friends just your friends or are they your partner or posse’s friends too? What about your clients? Are they just yours or do you introduce them to others? While it might be a little easier to make a house available to anyone for a night, how do you share friends or clients?

 

I went to a party hosted by a couple. I have been friends with the male partner and barely know the female partner. This is where the dilemma begins. The 1965 movie Yours, Mine and Ours with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball followed two parents as they put together their children to make one family of 18 children. The 2005 remake followed two parents who put together their children to make one family of eight. The point here is that they took, his and hers and made one family of theirs. Which is the way I thought it was supposed to happen.

 

At this party the hostess did not acknowledge my presence. It was as though I was not on her list; I was not her friend so leave it up to the host to greet me. I observed throughout the night. The people I could identify as his friends were greeted and talked to only by him. What happen to the “ours” theory?

 

So do his friends become her friends? Do her friends become his friends? Or do they stay mine, yours and never ours? Have you noticed that a ‘thank you’ note for a wedding gift is often sent by the member of the wedded couple that you know best? Some couples divide up the list and he writes the thank you note to his guests and she writes the note to hers. WHAT HAPPENS TO OURS?

 

Here is the problem as evidenced one night at a restaurant. I watched the owner make his rounds table to table. Those diners he knew better, he sat down with for a short or sometimes long period of time. Those he did not know he did what I call “drive-byes”. He came over, stood there, asked how things were, and continued on to the next table. Here’s the rub. I understand that he knows some guests better than others. But how did he get to know those others so well? By talking to them, by spending time with them, by asking about their family or their food preferences or their travels. If you don’t take time you can’t ever get to know anyone any better. So the guests that get the drive-by treatment remain not “ours” in that they don’t feel a part of the restaurant.

 

As Dr. Phil says: “The thinnest pancake still has two sides.” Independence is great and keeping one’s own life in a couple or professional situation is important. There is another side. When does one of their friends become theirs? When does a diner go from a drive-by to a valued guest? When does his client become your prospect? You have to invest time that is the only way even in this fast paced world. The saying Mi Casa es Mi Casa seems like a saying and a concept that is easy to implement. Look again. Introduce your client as a prospect for a professional service from someone else. Pay It Forward is one way to say it and do it. It is more challenging to share the things that are really important to you.